I’ll never forget the first time I sat down in a therapist’s chair. I was 21 years old, terrified of losing my first long-term relationship, which had lasted seven years. My life felt chaotic and broken, and I had no idea why. As I sobbed and rambled about my fears, my therapist, out of the blue, said, “I just noticed that deep breath you took.” It was then that I first became aware of conscious breathing and its profound effect on my body, thoughts, and emotions.
I was stunned. I had never noticed my breath before, nor had I considered its impact on my body, thoughts, or emotions. Through my tears, I had taken a deep breath that moved my stomach and raised my chest. Little did I know that this unconscious breath was already beginning to calm my nervous system, preparing me for the next steps in my life.
The Science of Breath
That moment in therapy marked the beginning of a 20-year journey to explore how humans can thrive amid chaos and change. As a psychotherapist, I witness the profound power of conscious breathing every day. It is a tool that activates and deactivates key parts of our nervous system, helping to reduce stress and anxiety. Studies even show that it can lower our perception of pain.
Our breath connects us to two crucial circuits in our autonomic nervous system:
- Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight): This system activates and accelerates us, preparing us to respond to stress.
- Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest and Digest): This system slows us down, helping us relax and recover.
Deep, conscious breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system, helping us slow our heart rate, ground our bodies, and return to a state of calm. This process not only connects us more deeply with ourselves but also with the people around us, opening up new pathways for connection and understanding.
In recent decades, we’ve discovered that a key player in this process is the vagus nerve. This nerve helps regulate our stress responses, allowing us to feel grounded, curious, and calm. I’ll dive deeper into the science behind the vagus nerve in future articles.
How to Start Practicing Conscious Breathing
Learning to practice conscious breathing is a process that takes time and awareness. The good news? You already have all the tools you need within your body. Here’s a simple exercise to help you begin incorporating conscious breath into your daily life:
Three Conscious Breaths
- Sit in a comfortable chair and become aware of your body:
- Feel your feet on the ground.
- Sense your back resting against the chair.
- Take a moment to check in with how your body feels. Notice any areas of tension or relaxation.
- Breath One: Take a deep breath and notice which parts of your body expand as you inhale. Slowly exhale, counting to six, and observe which parts of your body contract as you release the breath.
- Breath Two: Stay connected to your body. Inhale deeply and then slow down your exhalation, counting to seven as you release your breath.
- Breath Three: Inhale deeply again, and this time, slow your exhalation even further—count to eight.
- Reflect: How does your body feel now? Has anything changed? Where do you still feel tension, and where do you feel more relaxed?
When we slow down our exhalation, our heart rate decreases, and we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which guides our body back to a state of calm.
My Journey with Conscious Breathing
For me, incorporating conscious breath into my life marked the beginning of an intense and transformative journey of self-discovery. Conscious breath enhanced my awareness of my body’s sensations and emotions, helping me process some of the most challenging experiences from the first two decades of my life.
Today, conscious breathing provides the foundation I rely on to navigate high levels of chaos and change. It also enhances my capacity to create safe, grounded spaces for my psychotherapy clients, helping them cultivate calm and connection in their own nervous systems.
The key to breathwork isn’t about doing it perfectly—it’s about noticing small changes and gradually integrating those changes into your life. Like any skill, it’s a process of growth, and when we embrace the imperfection, we build sustainable habits that stick.
The Neuroscience of Breath and What It Can Do for You
I wonder what role conscious breathing will play in your day-to-day life. Imagine looking back after five, ten, or twenty years and reflecting on how the simple act of breathing consciously opened new possibilities and brought more calm and connection into your world.
Start small. Practice it daily. And, over time, you may find yourself becoming more grounded, more resilient, and more connected to both yourself and the world around you.
Andrew Sloan, a volunteer contributor to On The Record, is a queer psychotherapist and executive coach who blends therapy and neuroscience to navigate life’s complexities. With warmth, empathy, and humor, he helps others uncover strengths, embrace authenticity, and create purposeful futures.
